Musings

If I Ever Change…

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Josh and I knew they had history together. Maybe more. Let’s say they had chemistry to say the least. She knew or thought I had always known this given the friendship we shared with Josh.

We first met at the Cafeteria. It was an ordinary meeting between two college freshmen. Ordinary because we did not bump into each other like it happens in the happily ever after movies. I thought she was beautiful, outgoing and fun to have around. Her face was too smooth for her age, fairly bigger eyes which always fascinated me. She had a beauty mark on her left cheek just above her soft lips. I wanted more of this and I knew I could only get it from her. We traded a few words then parted ways. I could not help but notice how she moved, like each step she took was calculated. Her figure was somewhere between seven and eight. I was too thrilled to really tell. Her hair natural. That day I went back into my hostel room and shared my experience with my new-found friend Josh. Little did I know what life had in store for me.

They had a lot in common. They were both fun loving. They partied like it was their last. According to Josh that was how they met…in one of the many parties they attended. And they say the rest is history. Unlike me, Josh wasted no little opportunity he got. He used it to the maximum. I could not hold it against Josh for the result of this meeting. I mean I did very little after the meeting at the Cafeteria apart from few hellos in classes we shared.

Things happened so fast. Josh was not the type who settles down with one chick. They had fun and had come to an agreement to call it quits. Josh claimed. He said they both agreed to move on with life separately. It was a fling. I still needed her though and Josh out of guilt or maybe as a last present before leaving to study abroad saw to it that we become a pair. He claimed he needed to leave her in safer hands.

She said change. Change and be like Josh. I thought it was one of the many jokes she cracked when in a good mood. Not that she was moody, not really. She was always high-spirited and I at times had trouble telling whether she was okay or not. I thought it was a passing wind which only needed time. The more I ignored it the more she kept reminding me. She wanted a “good” life like Josh’s. She wanted good things that life could offer. I mean she always said YOLO. I could not blame her for this though. I always believed that it was no mistake to dream big. To always look at the brighter side of life. How could two people have such parallel lifestyles and still be friends???!!! She never really understood how we came to be friends with Josh when we had so little in common.
The only problem was that it was destroying us. It was dismantling from the foundation the few if not the only pillar I had actively participated in putting up. Sooner or later I knew it would finally come crumbling down. Falling with a thud never to be rebuilt. I was also a dreamer. I wanted it to move further up. But Josh was proving to be an issue which needed some sorting. Josh was my friend and I knew he could never try putting an edge between us. He knew we were a thing. I knew he respected that too. But she did not really know Josh like I did. And I did not know myself either. I always thought I would change some day. But I knew if I ever change she would lose me forever…

Phot0; courtesy

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